After Sam passed I discovered the most precious gift, not only for myself but for others too. That gift is "self-love. "I came to the realization that I did not truly love myself in a way that would allow me to be free and joyous. By loving myself I could then love others completely and without judgement. After his transition I experienced true love for the first time in it's purest form. That, coupled with unbearable grief sent me on a journey within where I had to bring light to things I had hidden from myself. When you lose your Twin Flame/Soul it sends you on a journey inside your soul to get rid of what no longer serves you. Here is a beautiful quote that totally resonated with me as this became my life.
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit , show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Grief makes one look within so that we can live the life God/Source/Divine intended us to live. There was no room for negativity in my life and gratitude took center stage. Once I started the painstaking journey into my soul I had to shine a light in the darkest corners where I had resentments, anger, guilt and fear. I knew I had to forgive others that I felt did wrong by me and I had to forgive myself as well. This process is so necessary so that we can make room for love to enter so that we can live a most joyous, loving and peaceful life. I finally had the courage to live my life as authentically as I could. This meant without any conforming, restraints or fears I had allowed to rob me of fully living, loving and experiencing each new moment as it unfolded.
Inside of me was/is my "inner child" that has suffered the most and needed to know just how much she is loved. We all have that little child inside of us that may have went through a lot of physical or emotional pain and needs a big hug and so much love. She/he needs to know that nothing was their fault and they are free from any burdens they have been carrying all of these years. I visually imagined a small house that was full of junk and cleared it out so that she could live there free of clutter and full of love and light. That little house is my own heart where she resides and I visit her and love her all the time. Our inner child is always there and very much a part of who we are. We have to love who we are at the core in order to love others as well. Talk to them, love them, free them of any shackles they had on them so that they can be at peace and free of all that life has piled on them. They are never going away, nor would we want them to. When it all comes down to it, LOVE is everything and it all begins with loving ourselves first.
Written October 24, 2016
Hello, my name is Sheila Jenkins and I am the author of "The Day Before: Eternal Bonds into the Afterlife. I am the mother of two daughters and grandmother of five. I love music, dancing and lots of laughter. After working in the beautiful Shenandoah National Park for 35 years I decided to leave and I am currently a server at the Mimslyn Inn in Luray, Virginia. I worked in the Shenandoah National Park for 35 years where I met Sam and my journey began, which led me to write our story. I plan to continue on my journey and help others discover the divine love within and process their grief.